Why men pull away and how to deal with it, Host girl look up men for Why men pull away and how to deal with it
Your good morning texts turn into not hearing from him for days.
So why do they pull away? In this article, I am going to walk you through different scenarios that can shed light on why this may be happening to you and give you a different perspective to reflect on and make this stop once and for all. Now more than ever, men are finding it hard to commit to a woman. This is especially true when there are so many outside sources that hinder commitment and so many women who are not being authentic and true to who they are and what they want.
I used to be more scared of being physically alone than I was scared of ending up with someone who made me feel more alone than my self-hatred did. I would convince myself that he was amazing; that I was in this great relationship and that we had this once-in-a-lifetime connection despite my intuition knowing better.
My fear of being alone made me turn a blind eye to lies, inconsistencies, cheating, and broken promises. Even gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse were tolerated and excused. This fear also made very avoidant. Especially when it came to the devaluing and gaslighting that I was doing to myself. All I knew how to do in relationships was settle, tolerate, and give at the expense of my dignity. It was impossible for me to have any kind of care for my mental health.
Soon, I lost all respect for myself. I would then wonder why he was pulling away when I had done nothing but give everything. My dating life became a humiliating nightmare and I was always the victim. This victim mentality fueled more bad decisions that always ended in investigatory obsession instead of Happily Ever After. As far as wanting to know why men pull away, there were other instances that now, looking back, were a no brainer.
I would finally meet a good guy who was the complete opposite of the ones above. But because I still had unresolved issues with abandonmenttrust, and crippling insecurity… I would sabotage the relationship. Everything brought a reaction out of me. I wanted control over everyone and everything because I had no control over how worthless I felt.
Nothing ignites obsession, self-sabotage, and self-blame more than getting rejected when your self-esteem is nonexistent. This time was so much different than all the others. It would almost be easier if he was being directly disrespectful because this passive ambiguity is killing you.
Why do men pull away?
Yes, you may have done something to cause him to pause, but the decision to not communicate is on him. I have definitely behaved like this in the past and hurt really good people. I have definitely been there and it was never about doing anything calculated and malicious. It was a mixture of avoidance, a lack of self-awareness, and also, making a genuine effort to healthily move on.
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes getting involved with someone else to realize how conflicted and unresolved our feelings really are. This may be with an ex or with someone he was dating before you. I really did like and respect him and I really did NOT want to play games. But when I realized how hung up I still was, I would disrespect him by backing off or even ghosting instead of communicating. I was emotionally immature, scared, ashamed, and avoidant. The thought of losing him and hurting him the way I had been hurt in the past was too much to face. I wanted to pull back a bit while I figured my feelings out.
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No matter how much I cared and how in limbo I was though, all I had to offer were crumbs. I was a total contradictory joke. He pulls away just when things are starting to get more serious because he knows that this is how he can get more control. So, whenever you want to calmly talk or respectfully hint about the relationship progressing, he overreacts and recoils.
When he does that, you react and then unjustly blame yourself. You are triggered by a painful history that is now repeating itself. Again, a lot of this can happen subconsciously and there is no use explaining it to a man or woman who is that triggered, lame, emotionally stunted, and incapable of introspection. At the very least, you deserve someone who has enough respect for themselves and for you to explain why they need to take a step back. Can this ever really been the case? So glad you liked the post.
Reading this post was like reading my mind. But it has me scared.
Why men pull away: they recognize a challenge or something that they’re not used to…
I finally found the man i want to marry, but because of a deadline he told me he was exhausted and needed alone time. I have no problem with that, i just have a hard time believing it and i am also disappointed in the way he announced that.
I have stress too, but he never asks how i am. Radio silence now since the deadline three days ago. So i feel like my life is sort of hanging by a thread. No children… no husband. Ugh maybe i need to talk to other men while my bf is ignoring me. As always you have a way of writing what most of us cannot put into words. I always feel so much calmer after I come to this blog.
I left my job and him after he used me, ignored me, then got married. A YEAR ago. Perhaps because I still blame myself. I wish the VERY first time he pulled back I would have just realized what an absolute scum bag he is, and saved myself the tears, years, and pain to come. For anyone experiencing this, then immediately googling to figure out why he or she is doing this — RUN!
Literally just stop and turn around and head in the opposite direction of this person. It never gets better. Sending you love Natasha from the other coast. Thank you so much for sharing????
What if you knew what men secretly wanted but they could never tell you
Feeling the way you do, even after more than a year, is normal. You made it through and learned so much. Love you sister. You are never alone. Amazing post Natasha made so much sense! I can see my younger self doing all those things you mentioned : doubting myself, trying too hard, being an emotional wreck from second guessing when communications slowed or stopped etc.
I too always feel empowered when I read your articles. Love you xxxxxx. I really needed to read this today! I had been questioning myself and this post helped to re-center my thoughts. Thank you Natasha! There are also toxic examples of hidden problems, like addictions, criminal behavior or infidelity. The point is that the behavior is likely due to some form of loss aversion — usually the loss of their unrealistic self-image. The health of our relationships correlates with the amount of mutual vulnerability.
And without that openness the relationship cannot progress, as you point out. My dear friend, I love you and every one of your comments. Your comments illuminate and expand on my posts. This one, in particular, was the perfect segue for the post I am writing next.
Thank you for being here. I know that I speak for everyone when I say how much you are appreciated and how much your perspective helps. Thank you for this post. I was reading this and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
This lone especially! I feel like some fog cleared for me. It is so true. The act of someone just pulling away and abandoning the other person ignites pain and so many other emotions. I am pretty sure that the person who flees has no idea what a bomb they set off as they are exiting the scene.
It makes sense though because they lack the capacity as you said. I love you and appreciate all you give to support and make navigating all of this so much easier. I really dont know what to say about this article. I have been looking for something that summarizes how i feel and how i see things.
It helps to know that its not just me out there. Thank you for taking the time to comment and thank you for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you.