Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack. Read full profile.
“to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance!” oscar wilde
In life, the situations in which we find ourselves and the relationships we enter into are always time-limited. Whether these relationships last for a few weeks or a few decades, we are always aware that those we love could be taken from us at any moment.
Bereavements, breakups, and unforeseen circumstances can all conspire to change our lives in the course of a mere few seconds. In this respect, everyone in our lives is like a passenger on board a train. Everyone gets off the train sooner or later, and the sooner we accept this truth, the more readily we can adjust our outlook on life in such a way that increases our chances of self-acceptance and inner peace. When we truly embrace impermanence, we are also more likely to learn from past experiences and carry these lessons forward to lead a more peaceful life filled with healthy relationships.
When you depend on other people for love and approval, you set yourself up for a fall because all relationships end eventually.
Those who love themselves know that whilst happy relationships with others are a great joy in life and can be tremendously enriching, the only person upon whom one can depend to provide love and support is yourself. Otherwise, you risk personal devastation every time a friend, relative, or romantic partner rejects you or threatens the existence of your relationship.
In extreme cases, people who depend on other people for approval and affection bend and twist themselves out of all recognition; trying to please everyone and seek for attention. This can lead to poor self-esteem and a greatly diminished sense of self-respect. In contrast, when you love and respect yourself for who you are, you are free to live a more authentic life in keeping with your true nature.
You learn to balance striking compromises, remaining flexible, and staying in touch with who you are.
As those who show themselves love and care know, self-love is the only kind of love upon which you can depend. When you take the time to know yourself, a lifelong romance can begin. Only when you become accustomed to spending time by yourself can you gain a true appreciation of your needs, wants, and desires.
This, in turn, helps you imagine and ultimately build the kind of life you need. Spending time engaging in your favorite activities, taking yourself on trips and expeditions, and staying as healthy as possible are all steps that will increase your self-appreciation, acceptance, and self-love. When you truly love and appreciate yourself, you will never feel lonely again. When you come up against adversity, you will always be able to look to yourself, and your inner resources to help you move past the barriers that lie in your way.
People who fully understand the importance of self-love enjoy connecting with other people, but they never make the mistake of depending on them to prop up their sense of self or to provide them with a purpose in life. Those who are secure in their identities and believe themselves to be just as valuable as any other human being never feel the need to seek out validation as they carve out their own paths in life.
Self-love is an ongoing project that is well worth the effort. When you truly nurture yourself, even times of great stress and hardship seem more bearable. Peak-Performance Leadership Consultant Read full profile. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills. If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication.
And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting. Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties. It starts with intentional listening and being present.
There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.
Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation?
Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving. Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival.
And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing. A classic example of this is the formation of memories. Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, ? But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd,this date probably holds some sort of ificance to you.
Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life. Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations.
Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively. Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers. Time to kiss those note-taking days away! While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms.
In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to. Body language can play a ificant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand.
And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something. These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations.
We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in. The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these als to improve your listening skills and your communication skills. Our brains were deed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters.
So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.
“to love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – oscar wilde
Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? How should I interpret their words and body language? Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language. Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills.
It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.
Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make your colleague feel like you two are alike.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication. This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their s.
They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track. Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption.
Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.
These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action. Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills.
Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.
“to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
Communication Motivation Advertising. Jay Hill Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack. Share Pin it Tweet Share. Change is the only constant.
More by this author Jay Hill Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack. Read Next. Communication Advertising. NCBI: Body language in the brain: constructing meaning from expressive movement.