My husband has a twenty-something female co-worker who happens to be a single mom. During a difficult time in our marriage when our child was going through extreme anxietyhe turned to this woman and began secretly texting and Face Timing her.
I eventually found flirty texts between them and I asked him about her.
We went to therapy and I felt like we were doing much better. However, I recently got a strange feeling and decided against my better judgment to put an audio recorder on his keychain. I recorded him one day at work.
She approaches him and he begins to breathe heavily. The flirty talk continues. She tries to tell a story about what her daughter calls her bellybutton. You have discovered actions that threaten the very foundation of your marriage.
The evidence you collected is hard to refute. Do not ignore this.
If so, have him explain what he means when he tells your co-worker that he believes his wife is uninformed about something. What is he hiding?
Why is he colluding with her against you? You can trust what you felt and what you discovered. Those who abuse are often satisfied with the way things are and are insensitive and not motivated to make needed changes.
You can receive clear guidance of how to proceed. You have the truth right in front of you. Expect your husband to step up and admit the truth of what is on that recording. This is the minimum requirement to being rebuilding trust.
This will require tremendous work and time to make this happen. Geoff will answer a new family and relationship question every Friday. You can your question to him at [ protected].
Putting the fun and flirtation back into your marriage
If you or a loved one are struggling with the devastating impact of pornography issues, sexual betrayal, and relationship trauma, I have created a 6-part audio program to help married couples strengthen their recoveries. Geoff Steurer is a d marriage and family therapist in St. George, UT. He is the owner of Alliant Counseling and Education www.
George, an outpatient treatment program for couples and individuals impacted by pornography and sexual addiction www. He also writes a weekly relationship column for the St. George News www.
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He served a full-time mission to the Dominican Republic. He is married to Jody Young Steurer and they are the parents of four children. You can connect with him at: Website: www. This sounds bad, but have you considered every situation?
Heavy breathing--does she have to climb the stairs to get to the break room or copy machine or the boss' room? I'm sure she's exhausted being a single mom.
Okay maybe these are stretches. Let's hope it means she's got boundaries and wasn't directing him to touch places. Or you could go the opposite direction and assume everything was affair-related, down to the belly-button story.
If it was a spiritual prompting and not a feeling of fear of emotion that prompted you to record him, then you need the spirit to know how to approach him because he's going to be super defensive if you're wrong and super defensive if you're right. It's very rare for things to get better after recordings.
Everyone I know who tried to hide something from their spouse got courage from the adversary to come out when caught and leave them. Everyone I know who accuses an innocent spouse damages their relationship.
Just be ready for the fallout--you need to be really prepared, really tactful, and gather more evidence. I don't usually check footnotes, but the article in footnote 1 has extremely valuable information. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has been trying to make sense of not only what constitutes emotional abuse, but also what to do when you identify it in your own relationship.
Your Hardest Family Question: When does flirting cross the line? Little Ol Me March 12, This sounds bad, but have you considered every situation? Ranae March 8, I don't usually check footnotes, but the article in footnote 1 has extremely valuable information. The Washington D. Most Read Yesterday's Articles.
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