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Popular New. Tutoring a NYU student quickly turns into getting my dick sucked.

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Okay, okay, we get it. But clamp down on this, gentlemen: Sometimes you suck at getting sucked.

There’s a right way and a wrong way to receive a blowjob

We take the time to do you a solid and go down on you, and you act like you were raised in some kind of dick-sucking barn. No manners, no gratitude and no dick-suckee etiquette to be found. For starters, a little gratitude goes a long way.

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Recently, Dan Savage illustrated this in a response to a question about whether or not a straight guy should feel bad about taking free, earth-shattering blowjobs from his gay friend. Savage let the advice-seeker off the hook for taking the sexual favors so long as his friend gave them freely, enthusiastically, and consensually.

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Savage wrote :. Your best bet on getting that dick sucked is to never expect it and never ask.

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It sounds counterintuitive, but humility is important: The less you pester a woman for a beej, the more inclined she is to want to give it to you. The less you pressure her to feel guilty for not doing it more, the more she wants to surprise you with great blowjobs, because you are more likely to be a happy customer, which makes her more likely to want to do it again.

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If you are so lucky as to get a blowjob, make some noise, pal. This turns your woman into a stand-up comedian in front of a stone-faced crowd. That means more than one grunt right before you launch.

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Have some fun with it, weirdo. Otherwise, go at her pace, assuming you want this to ever happen again. Surprise sploogers rank a notch below minute men.

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Some informal polling suggests the desired length of a blowjob is anywhere from three minutes to an hour. An hour? I better be getting paid. More than that is grounds for leaving, right after she sets the place on fire.

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A quick, easy cum will make a woman see giving you a blowjob as something she can fit in before work in the morning, or in between commercial breaks. We lead busy, complicated lives. You want a blowjob or not?

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Tracy Moore is a staff writer at MEL. Formerly at Jezebel. What, then, makes it fun for us?

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