Greg Smalley is often asked this question by engaged couples, so he offers his personal insights on how couples can better understand loving and being loved. Listen to a broadcast with more practical advice from Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley on preparing for marriage. We had only to endure a few more months until our wedding day, and I was on Getting ready for marriage christian other end of the telephone line — euphoric with great news for my bride-to-be.
After I asked Erin to sit down and brace herself, I proudly announced that I had received something in the mail that was very exciting. I told her that she was preparing to marry a very rich man. I had received official notification in the mail that I had won the big sweepstakes.
Erin sat stunned on the other end of the phone. Her joy, however, was clouded with suspicion and doubt. Erin had actually laughed out loud when I went on about what we would do with the money, how we would spend it and what I was going to buy her.
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She had worked in the psychiatric hospital during nursing school, and this call must have seemed eerily similar to many conversations she had engaged in with patients there. To make a long and embarrassing story short, those sweepstake crooks had done a great job. I felt humiliated. Not only had I believed I was a millionaire, I had told my entire family and all of my graduate school friends. That day, without reading and understanding the fine printI had fallen for a scam.
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When it comes to cultural messages about marriage, we are being scammed as well. Here are some of the popular marriage messages scams that have saturated our culture:. Your spouse should automatically know what you need. Marriage is about being happy. As wonderful as those messages may sound, the faulty beliefs create unrealistic expectations that undermine the foundation of a marriage relationship.
The myth is that you need to find someone who will love you. The truth is that this need to be loved has already been percent met by God. The Getting ready for marriage christian never implies that you will spend the rest of your life weeping and gnashing your teeth until you find someone who will give you the love that you crave.
I know that sounds counterintuitive — maybe even opposite of what you have been taught about relationships. The truth is that your need to be loved has already been satisfied by the right source — your heavenly Father. A spouse will never be the source of love in your life. Therefore, instead of spending time, effort and energy trying to get a spouse to love you, your job will be to learn to love your spouse.
This truth is a ificant shift from the cultural message that is scamming you into believing that your greatest need is to be loved. Finally, our job is defined: love others. Apparently, before we can love others, we Getting ready for marriage christian reassurance that we are loved.
So, what will loving your spouse truly look like? Focus on the Family just released a book called Ready To Wedand while I was doing some final edits on the session video curriculum that will complement the book, I noticed something amazing. There was no script, and we received some powerful biblical counsel. But when I watched all 10 sessions consecutively, I was amazed by the fact that the experts repeated a particular theme. One word kept coming up: sacrifice. Now, let me clarify that sacrifice is different than service.
I believe that serving means to perform a duty, to assist or to do something helpful for your spouse. I will make him a helper fit for him. So God created Eve. Serving each other will be an important part of married life. Sacrifice, on the other hand, requires giving up something that you value that is, your time, money, comfort, desire, etc. Applied to marriage, this implies giving up something for the sake of someone else who you consider to have a greater value.
Daily sacrifice for Erin is the evidence that I love her.
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If you think about it, the very act of getting married is a selfless decision. As a husband or a wife, you voluntarily commit to abide by very clear instructions given by God. Husbands are instructed to love their wife just as Christ loved the church Ephesians Both spouses are being asked to make great sacrifices.
Engaged couples often ask me how they will know they are ready to get married. So you tell me, are you ready to wed? Greg Smalley serves as the vice president of Marriage at Focus on the Family. In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. My marriage vow kept me from making a grave mistake. Without it, I would have lost a lifetime of love. This special promise is powerful — Getting ready for marriage christian we need it for many reasons.
Why is marriage more than a formal declaration of love and commitment between two people? Learn about nine good reasons to get married. Should couples invest the most resources in a dream wedding day, a dream house or a dream relationship — one that lasts for a lifetime? By sharing your struggles and triumphs, God can transform your courage into hope and faith for others! See Life Double your gift now! Yes, I will help save babies from abortion!
Serving and sacrifice
Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Share your story and inspire others today! Are You Ready to Wed? By Greg Smalley May 4, Share on facebook. Share on twitter. Share on pinterest. Share on print. Share on. Serving and sacrifice So, what will loving your spouse truly look like?
Do you and your spouse view money differently? Up. Your Teen Needs You Most of All No parent of teens is perfect and even the best can learn how to better connect with their son or daughter. up to get your series! Marriage can be Tough. Remarriage can be Even Tougher. Spouses may come to a new marriage with emotional baggage.
Relationships with children change, and the stepparent-stepchild relationship adds another dynamic. Both families may have different traditions and ways of doing life. And there are new in-laws added to the mix. author and family therapist Ron Deal as he shares practical guidance for families coming together and thriving under one roof.
up today. There Is Still Hope for Your Marriage You may feel that there is no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship and love that you once had.
The truth is, your life and marriage can be better and stronger than it was before.