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The guide below is stacked with tips for successfully dating German men. However, I want to begin the guide with an important story.
Dating a guy who come from certain country and raised by certain culture is always interesting. As you come from a completely different background, there many new things to learn and adjust. It can be fun but disastrous as well. The same thing goes when you have crush to a German guy. If you are also a German or raised in Germany, there won't be any cultural lag as you grow up in the same environment.
Here is a tongue in the cheek guide to dating a German and keeping your sanity intact during the relationship. Brace yourself for a silly generalised post about how to date a German, typical quirks of German SOs and German dating rules. This website is generally reserved for complicated expat stuff like German taxesinsurancesfreelancing in Germany etc. I have been long out of the playing field so dating is not exactly my expertise anymore.
German men and romance: everything you need to know
But hey, I have been in a relationship with a German human male for a good few years. In fact, we recently got engaged married.
And yet, we never stop experiencing the subtle cultural differences in our day to day life. It got me thinking about my past and current relationships — with German or non-German men. Maybe you are single in Germany and curious about dating a local?
Or perhaps you just spotted a German out in the wild. Now you are wondering about your next best move? Disclaimer: The following post contains obscene amounts of national stereotyping. One of the first things you will notice about the Germans is that they are not the most obvious flirts.
State your intentions
Definitely not like their British, Italian or French counterparts for whom flirting is basically a national pastime. You could look like a total knockout, but Germans may not even turn their he. You see, the bold pick-up culture like in North America or Britain does not really exist in Germany. Just like friendships, romantic relationships are formed over time, through personal contacts or a Verein. This is not to say that Germans never-ever go out with a complete stranger. It happens all the time. Or throw some cheesy pick up line at you.
1. your life runs like clockwork
Time is your friend. Give them some time and a few beers. They will soon come out of their Jack wolfskin shell and do what many Germans do best —. So some good old beer courage helped and you chatted up your German. Foot in the door. N ow comes the next phase.
It’s like an onion, exposing itself one layer at a time instead of all at once, but no less flavorful.
Related: Everything wrong with German online dating sites explained. If someone is nice and friendly to you, it probably means that they are just…friendly. Or to let you know that they are not interested any more now that their beer goggles have worn off. But if you suggested to them that you want to meet next week, you ARE expected to do your part. Not following through on your own words is considered very insincere. They will not take you seriously.
So pick the phone and make that call. They are expecting it. Alright, you two had a great phone conversation. The first date with your German has been set. Dating a German requires a whole new appreciation of this timey wimey wibbly wobbly stuff.
What the hell is 4ish or ish?! That does not exist in German culture.
Your German date will see that as a of your incompetence and inability to organise your time. Remember, Germans find it very hot when someone is respectful of their time and punctual to a T. Germans, like most Europeans, are truly conditioned to gender equality right from their childhood. Maybe a bit too conditioned for some cultures. Ladies, this one is for you. German guys are not cheap. They just respect you as a fellow grown-up adult.
Germans have complete trust in your ability to open your own doors, get seated properly and pay for yourself. In fact, a lot of them may find it amusing if a man does these trivial chivalric gestures for them. So guys or galswhen you date a German woman, then tone down on the gallantry a bit. It will be lost on them anyway. Related: Intercultural Dating in Germany Explained.
If you want a funny one, get a Brit. There, I said it. When you date a German, you start noticing a pattern. They take your jokes a wee bit too literally. Your self-deprecating humour leaves them increasingly concerned about the state of your mental health. You see, humour does not come naturally to Germans.
An expat survival guide to dating in germany
Or maybe we foreigners do not get it. Whatever the case might be…. As the saying goes, the German sense of humour is no laughing matter. I mean, think from their perspective. Can you even apply humour to a new automobile technology or make a logistical process more efficient with it? Many foreigners are used to a more relaxed social environment where complete strangers can make the most absurd jokes with one another.
In Germany, however, that is just not as common. Remember, jokes are reserved for their close family and friends. So hang in there. Again, there are individuals who break this mould and are immediately friendly and humorous, but this is rare. They can still have their funny moments. In that case, may Lord help you! When you come to Germany and see them around nearly everywhere, you may get a feeling that German humour is just a little outdated. Anyway, you have decided to overlook the German funny side for the time being.
They are more than just a pretty face though…. Have you ever greeted your neighbour and asked how are they doing? In many cultures, you will just get a monosyllable response with a courteous nod and be on your way. You will notice this during your dates as well. Ask them a general question.
Be prepared to get a literal answer. They are so much into details. Not in a showy or romantic way, but they are just precise.
Well, you are totally enamoured by their nerdy explanations. You enjoy their company very much and want to see them more often — like properly date them. It is admirable how straight-forward Germans are and they mean what they say.
Enough with the stupid mind games and dating rules.
Romance is a simple business for Germans. Two people meet, like each other, meet some more, Snog. Rinse and repeat. Once you start hanging out with each other, it is just taken for granted that you are in a relationship — with each other. When they are with someone, they really are with them. On that note, seeing more than one person at the same time is frowned upon. It might be normal in North America, but not in Europe.
But you really really like them and want a serious commitment. What happens next?